Sisters

I have a younger sister. We are 14 months and 4 days apart. We are like night and day. Have been since day one. I have always wanted to protect her, do things for her and most of all be friends with her. My mother and Granny have always told us that we are all each other has in the end.

All that being said. We don't talk. We haven't said more than ten minutes of conversation since 2000. She had a child (nephew) in October of 2001. She was in and put of his life for 2 years. She finally just left and moved away. Perhaps it is better.

Seeing as I have been a first time mother alone (she was not alone) I can understand things a first time mom goes through. She was young, 19. Not married and from what I know doesn't know who his father is. She got no prenatal care. She was in denial from the start. She comes and sees him twice a year. Sometimes three times. He treats her as a friend. The bond of "mother" and son is damaged. It can never be fixed. Our parents have him. He has a good life.

Before she has kids (if she chooses to) I think she should get help. She is wonderful with my kids. She is great with her son. I personally believe she was too young and not ready. Possibly for attention but who knows.

Part of me forgives her and part of me doesn't. This is a child innocent and pure. He has been emotionally damaged from her doings.

I love her. I don't like what she has done. I have invited her to my wedding. We have exchanged email and myspace. I hope to rebuild some kind of relationship with her.

Only time will tell.

Relationship, Anyone?

I am not the best person to ask about a relationship. I will never claim to be a relationship guru but isn't communication a major factor in everyone's relationship no matter the kind? I am not very good at always expressing my feelings in the lightest manor or to make my point clear in spoken word. While I am here I have time to sit and ponder about life, love, kids, ME, future jobs and my relationship. I am lucky to be married to a man that puts Family first and me second. Sometimes seem really great and others not so great. We had a shot gun wedding, it was even at the court house. I was 4 months pregnant with Princess. SD was still a seamen. His parents knew of nothing until exactly 2 months before Princess was born. We started with nothing and just 2 months shy of 4 years we have it all. Well almost. When he met me I was beautiful. Skinny, fun, no worries, anything goes type of gal. Now not so much. I am a mom I have become a tad up tight, gained weight (about 40 pounds), dressed different, been depressed, have rather bad anxiety, I am a mom before anything, at times I have even lost my sex drive.

I am sure you are wondering why I come to my wonderful blog to write about this stuff? Why can't I just explain it to SD? Most of all what in the world started this?

1- Why write about it? Because he won't talk to me. He says all I want to do is argue. Then I will always have to be right (yeah, so!) even when he doesn't agree. I told him via text I wanted to talk about my feelings. I did not say I wanted to argue. I just figured I could get more out that way, the way I want. The way I mean it.

2- why can't I explain it to SD? He thinks I am trying to fight. Simple as that. He says short things or makes me think he just doesn't care. That's it. As far as it goes. I have tried. I get no response. He feels like I am trying to fight. Which that's not the case. So that's as far as it goes.

3- What started this thought and feeling? The fact that I am far away from home and SD says he misses me. Okay but why? He hates my cooking, says I nag, don't give him his free time, don't let him play his games, I am to controlling. If I am all this then why does he miss me? I just don't get it. What is there to miss? He is at home with the dog. Let me not forget, the fish. I just don't get men.

Things seem to be better now that I started this post. We will see how the next 3 weeks treats us.