Relationship, Anyone?

I am not the best person to ask about a relationship. I will never claim to be a relationship guru but isn't communication a major factor in everyone's relationship no matter the kind? I am not very good at always expressing my feelings in the lightest manor or to make my point clear in spoken word. While I am here I have time to sit and ponder about life, love, kids, ME, future jobs and my relationship. I am lucky to be married to a man that puts Family first and me second. Sometimes seem really great and others not so great. We had a shot gun wedding, it was even at the court house. I was 4 months pregnant with Princess. SD was still a seamen. His parents knew of nothing until exactly 2 months before Princess was born. We started with nothing and just 2 months shy of 4 years we have it all. Well almost. When he met me I was beautiful. Skinny, fun, no worries, anything goes type of gal. Now not so much. I am a mom I have become a tad up tight, gained weight (about 40 pounds), dressed different, been depressed, have rather bad anxiety, I am a mom before anything, at times I have even lost my sex drive.

I am sure you are wondering why I come to my wonderful blog to write about this stuff? Why can't I just explain it to SD? Most of all what in the world started this?

1- Why write about it? Because he won't talk to me. He says all I want to do is argue. Then I will always have to be right (yeah, so!) even when he doesn't agree. I told him via text I wanted to talk about my feelings. I did not say I wanted to argue. I just figured I could get more out that way, the way I want. The way I mean it.

2- why can't I explain it to SD? He thinks I am trying to fight. Simple as that. He says short things or makes me think he just doesn't care. That's it. As far as it goes. I have tried. I get no response. He feels like I am trying to fight. Which that's not the case. So that's as far as it goes.

3- What started this thought and feeling? The fact that I am far away from home and SD says he misses me. Okay but why? He hates my cooking, says I nag, don't give him his free time, don't let him play his games, I am to controlling. If I am all this then why does he miss me? I just don't get it. What is there to miss? He is at home with the dog. Let me not forget, the fish. I just don't get men.

Things seem to be better now that I started this post. We will see how the next 3 weeks treats us.