FU!K YOU!
March 16 2008 My Granny told me she had cancer. In my mind she would fight it. I think I took for granted that she was a strong woman. I thought she would fight through this also.
Granny had Stage 4 small cell lung cancer. From smoking. She had smoked for a long time. Since she was 12 or some ridiculous age. Back then smoking was the norm it was not even about being "cool" or whatever. Like it is "cool" in a slow attempted suicide. I won't start on that speech.
I talked to Granny every Monday. No matter what. No matter how she felt. If she had chemo we arranged a time that she would call later. When the chemo kicked her ass, we made a time that she would at least call, even if I did all the talking to just tell her how the kids were. I heard her voice. I heard her ask about Ethan and I heard her voice light up.
When I found out I was pregnant with Munchkin, it was rather unexpected and I was scared. Granny wished for a boy and told me God will never give me more then I can handle. I told her I would hold her to that...
When Munchkin was born I was so sure Granny would fight this. I was so sure that all my kids would grow up to know the Granny that I did. I was sure of that.
Granny was always on the go, very opinionated, would help anyone and everyone, and would fight for what she believed in even if she stood alone. She was fun and always took us to do fun things. She taught me at a young age family is everything.
Granny got sick and cancer kicked her ass but her sprit kept fighting, she was going to make it. I was certain of that at least.
I kept warning my husband, when the day came I would fall apart. I am not sure what I would do, if I would be okay.
When the day came, I think I did decent. It has been after.
While I am so glad my Granny is not hurting anymore the selfish side of me wants her here. I need her here. There is not a Monday that goes by since December 11th I have not cried. My friends have all told me it will get better, that this won't last for long.
I call BULLSHIT.
Today it hurts just as bad as the night I found out.
While I am very lucky that I had my Granny in my life for almost 30 years, it does not make it any easier.
So while most of you think Monday's suck because your weekend of partying and relaxing is over... My Monday's suck because I miss my Granny more then words can describe....
